You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
