Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
