i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
im six kinds of drunk right now
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
