Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
