He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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