kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
is wine microwaveable?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
