You really coming over, don't trick.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
