She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
