And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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