he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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