Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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