So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
