Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
