Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
