..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
