i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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