six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
worst night to have a conscience
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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