Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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