i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
