so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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