Soap is not a condiment
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
