ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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