u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
