So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
