Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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