...so i touched it.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
