That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
