They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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