i wish starbucks made bloody marys
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
