I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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