yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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