we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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