Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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