did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Houston, we have a blender
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
