I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
