her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
