she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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