i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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