you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Someone came in the potted fern
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
