bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
