you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
