also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
