Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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