2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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