How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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