I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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