I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
