It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
