It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
