I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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